Fear and scars
by Rocky57251isYoUrHiGhNeSs
Summary: Just read it! Rocky is more hurt on the inside than she lets on. She needs help but doesn't want it. Warning: depression, suicidal thoughts, and cutting involved
1. All about me

Hi guys. As I said in the summary this is a story about rocky and fear. I know I have two other stories to finish but I had to make this story. I feel exactly how Rocky feels and well it helps to have a hobby. Well basically this first chapter is going to be an intro from when Rocky was 11 and all of her problems started.

(Rocky's POV)

I'm lying on my bed crying right now. I have no idea why though. Maybe if when everything had started almost 3 years ago (she's 13 at the moment) I had gotten help, things would be different, but, I didn't and now here I am lying on my bed crying. I can still remember that night and whole year when everything went wrong.

_I had just come home from a sleepover at Cece's house and was now happily eating dinner and arguing with my older brother Ty. Dad was on a trip to perform some kind of surgery and mom was talking about how he was never there for us._

_"He's missing so much of your life guys." She had informed us. "I mean Ty look at you you're a young man and Rocky you aren't so little anymore." _

_I think that was then it had hit me that I wasn't a little kid anymore._

_3 months later_

_It was near the end of fifth grade and we had a field trip planned to go to our middle school orientation, The only thing that the teachers could talk about was how in middle school we were at a whole new place and age group and that people would treat us differently. I had hated the very thought of growing up, and to make it worse, I had no idea why I hated it so much. Everybody else was so happy to finally be so close to being considered a grownup but I dreaded even going to the orientation. The only thing that I dreaded more had been that I would have to train a new safety patrol to take my place on the patrol squad. I think I hated it so much because they made me see how easy it is to replace somebody when they leave. I spent all of the time reading about anxiety disorders and looking for a category that I would fit into. I was wise beyond my years and understood then that I spent way too much time remembering the past. But I couldn't stop. I remembered when I went to my very first sleepover with Cece, and when I met her. I remembered everything and I had a longing to go back to this time. At the same time that I was looking back on the past and getting sad that it was over I started thinking of ways to make my future better. Like: getting a makeover, getting new clothes, straightening my hair, and I even thought about dying my hair. Basically my problem was that I never once lived in the present, I was always somewhere else in the inside._

_During this time Cece and I made a huge mistake. We of course were only 11 but we had been exposed to things in the real world already, such as: cutting. We had friends that we knew that told everybody that they cut. After a long day I went home found a razor and started cutting myself. Being as foolish as I was then I of course decided that it would be a good idea to tell Cece. I said I was only trying it, but to tell you the truth it hurt so bad that I was sure that I would never try it again. After I told Cece she decided that she wanted to cut too. During those 30 minutes we went through everything that you see on TV, and we acted like we had spent our whole lives cutting, now that I think about it we were probably being really dramatic about the whole thing and I kind of feel silly. During that 30 minute process I begged her no to make the same mistakes that I had, she said that if I ever cut one more time she would too, and we went public about the whole thing which made it a thousand times worse. We went on a social networking site that we weren't even old enough to use and were very dramatic about the whole thing saying things like: wtf is wrong with me, arguing with each other, and swearing not to tell. I'm pretty sure that we did all of those things for the dramatic effect because we made it quite obvious that we wanted our friends to ask us what was wrong. We eventually told them and we found out that Deuce had tried to commit suicide before, and that Tinka had cut before. There was a random girl that nobody liked that was in the chat to that kept on talking about how she cut on her feet, back, and stomach. _

_3 weeks later_

_We had been informed by the random girl that nobody liked whose name, btw was Hailey that her dad had found out the password to her account on the social networking site, which btw was facebook, and that he had read out conversation and found out that we had all cut and that, to top it all off, he had called the guidance counselor to tell him all of our business. Sure enough I got called into his office and asked a few questions. I answered them all honestly and I was told that he wouldn't tell anyone else what we had discussed. He was of course lying because when I got home that day I got in some serious trouble, and the next day when I got to school all the teachers were giving me weird looks. I now officially hated the counselor, Hailey's dad, and Hailey. Nobody that was involved in the conversation talked to her again and she had the nerve to bring up the fact that her dad had said that she wasn't allowed to talk to us anymore because her dad had said that we were bad influences on her. I now hated him even more. I couldn't take all the teachers knowing such a private thing about me so the next week Cece and I went to the guidance counselor and told him that we had only said that we had cut because we were defending a friend and that we didn't actually cut. And it was all solved only Deuce, Tinka, and Hailey would know my secret and that was how I liked it._

Back to the present

Maybe if I had allowed the guidance counselor to help me things would be different now. Maybe I would be happy and almost completely care free like a normal teenage girl. But then again maybe Cece and I would have grown farther apart without having those scars linking us to each other. But maybe if I had taken the help I would be a role model to Hailey. Everybody knew that one day she had cut to deep and was found by her father bleeding out. Everybody knew that she had to be taken to a hospital and was then admitted to a school for troubled girls. Everybody also knew that we could have stopped it. Nobody was nice to her; nobody was there to stick up for her when she needed it, even though everybody knew that she cut nobody told her not to because if she died we would miss her too much. When I start thinking that my life is too much for me I think of her and how she ended up in that school because nobody cared about her. And even though it doesn't make me smile it makes me grateful for what I do have at least no matter how bad. I know for a fact that I'm the only person in school that still thinks of her now. Maybe I should have taken the help though, and faced my problems because now I just can't deal with myself anymore. I don't know how to feel about things. I just need HELP.

Ok guys this is a multi chapter story not a one shot even though I will probably be making a one shot soon but for people who are waiting for me to add to not thin enough and all for a friend I am working on chapters for them right now. Ugh my dad is so fucking annoying he thinks he knows freaking everything. Here are the things I want you to answer IF you decide to review.

(1) What you thought about this chapter

(2) What you think will happen in this chapter

(3) What do you think is wrong with Rocky?

(4) And anything else that you wish to put

Oh yeah and...Thanks for reading. Love yall!


	2. Living in the Present

Hi my peepsJJJ. Sorry it took me so long.

Rocky's POV

I grinned along with everybody else as everyone cheered and giggled at Deuce and CeCe. We were playing Truth or Dare and CeCe had just been dared to give Deuce a lap dance. And yeah she did. We were at a cabin that CeCe's mom owned. All we have to do is ask her mom if we can go and bam we are here. This time though CeCe's mom is in a different cabin because she came with Logan's dad and they wanted to get busy. Well technically they said they needed some alone time….but we all know what that means. We're only 13, but let me tell you, we are really dirty. After they were done and Deuces dick finally went back to its normal size CeCe turned to me.

"Truth or dear?" she asked me with a mean smirk on her face.

"We all know what that chicken is going to pick." Ty answers.

And suddenly I am mega pissed off that he thinks that he knows so much about me. He doesn't know anything, At ALL! He doesn't know about the dumb thing I did when I was 11, he doesn't know that I used to talk to Hailey, he doesn't know who I like, and he sure as hell doesn't know that I'm probably not as pure as he thinks.

"Dare." I answer heatedly. Everyone except for CeCe looks up surprised. I feel my heart beating and I am waiting for her to tell me to do something dirty.

"Hmm, you have to take off all the clothes you have on except for your bra and underwear, and go jump in the lake. And since it is your first dare and it has to be extreme, when you come back you have to sit here in you bra and underwear only." She says. I hesitate for a second and pull my legs up from my chest, just thinking about how I have like NO boobs.

"Hurry up!" Logan says.

"Whoa hold your horses keep your dick in your pants, she's my little sister you sicko."Ty says looking at him in a way that made it clear he was disgusted. While he was saying that I had the chance to slip out of everything but my brah and undies, and now I see all the boys except for Ty staring at me.

"Hold on let me get a video camera." CeCe says.

Logan is quick to come to my defense though. "No. Do you know what it could do to her reputation?"

"Don't worry I'll keep it safe" CeCe says. "Now hurry up."

"OK here I go."I say well aware of the fact that the video had already started. And before I knew it I was running down to the lake and jumping into it with CeCe close behind me with her video shooting everything every second of the way. As we raced back up to the cabin I let out a loud scream and grinned.

As I sat back down all the girls grinned and all the boys except for Deuce grinned at me.

"If you actually had curves I would think that you were hot while wet but you don't so oh well." He said.

I don't think that he realized how much that affected me.

Logan moved close to me. "I think that you are smoking hot wet or not." He said. I turned bright red as he leaned in and whispered in my ear. I could feel his breath running down my neck and my skin tinkled.

"Do you think I can get another puppy?"He whispered.

"You wish." I respond.

"Yes, yes I do." He said with a perverted smile. Ok so maybe Logan and I have a little something going on.

"Hey!" CeCe snaps.

"What?" I ask trying to fake innocence.

"No more whispering allowed," She says.

"Go get your laptop and that little cord thing that comes with it." Ty says. I don't bother asking why and I get up briefly forgetting that I'm only wearing my underwear and bra. ALL of the boys whistle even Deuce.

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I watch as CeCe snuggles up with Deuce and giggles at the movie. I smile. They would make a super cute couple and everyone can see that they like each other. Too bad that he's going out with Dina but I'm going to be honest, its obvious that they are not going to last forever and when they break up trust me CeCe will be there. I look down to the floor and grin again as I see Tinka and Ty snuggling up together. They on the other hand have no people in the way they could get together if they wanted to they are just really stubborn. Looking around I realize that it's only Logan, Gunther, and I. I sure as hell will not be going out with Gunther and Logan looks so cute wrapped up in the blanket with so much extra space. He looks at me with his arms open as if he was reading my mind or something. I blush and slide in with him. I have already put my clothes back on and I figure that it can't hurt to get a little warmer. As I slip over Ty and CeCe look at each other and I know that even though they aren't going to yell at me now I am in for so much trouble. Logan tilts my head up for a second and grins at me. I feel him wrap his arms around me but before he does he pushes up my sleeve and rubs his hand up and down my arm. It was meant to be affectionate but I know he felt something that he didn't want to…I know that he felt my scars. He tilts my head up again and I am ready to see a stern look on his face showing me that I am going to be in so much trouble but to my surprise he doesn't say one thing or even look at me weird. I feel everyone's eyes around mine but I don't care. He kisses me on the forehead and I blush laying my head back down. Even though I can't see it I can feel CeCe and Ty's eyes meeting again but I don't care and as Logan's arms wrap around mine I'm not me. For once I'm in the present, but it's only because for once I actually feel safe in the present. I know that tomorrow my happiness will go away but like I said, I'm just going to live in the present.

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Soo what do you think of my new sign off? Tell me if can. Ooh and how do you think I did?


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